i’m not azn enough for azns: a rant

posted by flipette

“Thanks so much for writing to us, and for your interest in the project! Unfortunately, we are focusing (for the book) on women of South and East Asian background, as opposed to Southeast Asian.”

Here we go again. Not Azn enough for Azns. Again. Filipina…not Azn. Why, I ask? She answers,

“I’m interested in writing about renegotiation of values between cultures. If you check out the blog you can see what kind of stories I’m talking about.”

That’s not really a fucking  answer but off to the blog I go…again. Here’s the rundown:

1) Immigrant parents influence and demand over choice of a partner, career, freedom

Oh, you mean that time my father demanded why I dropped out of my sciences and math. “You can’t change the world,” he told me. He turned out to be right. But I still stayed out of math and sciences.

Or maybe it was the assumption that my partner would be a man. Or Filipino. At least (or better yet) white. The end.

2) How the above statement affects young Azn diasporic women

Do  you mean the fear of coming out to my parents? Telling them that they had, not one, but two queer daughters. And that my partner was genderqueer. And shorter than me.

Do you mean the constant nagging feeling of making my parents proud? Making sure that I made the right decisions so Icouldgetagoodjobbehappybeabletotakecareofthemintheiroldageandmostofallbeself
sufficient.

3) Relationship to feminism

Does my constant need to create space for people of colour in a movement that has been recognized as so overwhelmingly white count? Or maybe I can talk about how this white liberal feminism is something that I face in everyday community organizing and how painful it is to meet feminists who don’t think race is the issue. Most importantly, how meeting badass, unapologetic and angry feminists of colour reminds me that my feminism isn’t defined by white women and those that hide behind being colourblind can get the fuck out.

4) Relationship to family

Can I talk about my love for my family even though they can be so difficult sometimes? About how everyone gossips but can still sit around at the dinner table and laugh so hard it hurts. About how family doesn’t mean siblings and parents, but grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and their partners and families and friends. How everyone remains involved in my life much to my dismay/joy.

Are these the criteria? Have I met them? Are my answers Azn enough? Or maybe I could talk more about histories of colonialism and modern-day imperialism. About racism within my “tolerant” nation of Canada. About homophobia and sexism within my family and home. How losing the language that expresses more things that I could ever dare with my English tongue pains me in unimaginable ways? Or what it’s like to long for a history of a home that’s too expensive to even visit? Or listening to people talk about women from my country as if they were second-rate and only good for one type of labour? How being so often assumed to be docile, nice and obedient makes me think that smashing windows and throwing things at people are brilliant fucking ideas?

Is that Azn enough for you? Because it’s sure as hell as Azn as I’m ever gonna be.

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1 Comment

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One response to “i’m not azn enough for azns: a rant

  1. djtrishna

    those editors just got pwned.

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